“You cannot control others thoughts or actions, you can only control what you control and how you react,” said Neeley.And it is important to admit that “not everything can be fixed but do not take an attitude of defeat...it may even mean throwing in the towel.”Anger can have a trickle down effect and those trying to deal with an angry person can feel powerless, “not know what to do or say...children feel a level of fear,” around anger which can have a lasting impact.“Deflate, diffuse and defrost...offer help verbally or by action,” open up the lines of communication, “acknowledge the emotion with an emotion. Give a hug, a pat on the back or shoulder. Offer tender, realistic feedback,” while avoiding confrontation. “Showing compassion is a good thing” and follow up goes a long way.“Life is too short for perpetual anger” and those who cannot shake their tempers getting the better of themselves - and others - should seek professional help as such regular outbursts usually signal something of a greater magnitude.“Those who are always angry are often attention seekers who are in a state of misery” and Neeley noted that “misery feeds anger. Anger is to be overcome, not marinated in. People should strive, or strive to learn, to enjoy the simple, subtle pleasures of life.
Anger management: Tips on handling those who have flown off the handle
September 06, 2006
Santa Paula News
The reasons that people get angry can vary but a calm, reassuring reaction is usually the best way to handle those who have flown off the handle.
By Peggy KellySanta Paula TimesThe reasons that people get angry can vary but a calm, reassuring reaction is usually the best way to handle those who have flown off the handle.“Walking on Eggshells Around an Angry Person” was the presentation to the Santa Paula Rotary Club by Caroline Neeley of Camarillo-based Neeley Mediation & Conflict Resolution, who offered key points on how to deal with anger in others.“Anger has so many different levels,” but people do not go from happy to angry in an instant, noted Neeley.The roots of anger can vary from being “frustrated and angry when they are held accountable,” and who must take responsibility but cannot accept blame.“What drives me bananas is blatant lying,” and the sense of entitlement held by some that react with anger.A bad day at work and road rage are among other anger triggers but “you can save your sanity by understanding and acknowledging” that everyone has their limits.
